Lim Sze Hui (18)
Class 1C
16th April 2010
A Moment's Folly
I am so glad it is all over. I was so angry with my teachers and my school life, wishing I was at home and not bound by anything.
When I was in Primary 5, I had made a mistake by joining the netball team. Well, the mistake doesn't lie with joining netball. Rather, it lies with gradually losing my passion and commitment for choir.
Looking back, I felt that it was incredibly stupid of me to hate choir as an entirety. Even though I was extremely mad at the people who had criticized my opinions and made me do things against my will, I should only be holding a grudge against those few people involved and not the whole choir. Singing is my passion and that will forever be. No matter how upset I was, that fact should never be changed. I feel very guilty for speaking those offensive words and hurting other people. I could have tried to understand the choir instructor's feelings when I missed each practice.
Why did I even join netball? I made that decision on a whim, not thinking about the consequences. I do admit that it was because my best friend who was also in choir wanted to quit and join netball. However, did I think about how much I loved singing and how nicely the conductor had treated me?
Moreover, my friend did not like singing as much as I did. She was better off in netball.
The only reason why the teacher had reprimanded me was because I decided to attend netball practice and missed choir practice. After my teacher had told me off, I got so angry with my life in choir and was easily irritated by any of the members or instructors. I even cursed at some people on my blog when I hit my limit of tolerance. I did not think about how much those words could hurt.
I wanted freedom. However, I did not know how contradicting that was. I claimed that choir was bounding me up in chains with all its restrictions, however, isn't joining two CCAs knowing very well that I could not quit choir even worse? That would be tying me down even more, with a much more hectic schedule and having to face the music for missing practices.
I had been living in self-denial and making up excuses for the wrong decision I made. Why did I deny the fact that I love singing?
I have learnt not to be influenced by others' choices and to just believe in myself. After all, you are you and you know yourself the best. You can lie to others but not to yourself. My heart aches when I think about the hurt I have caused to those people. I was just too naive and even though the teacher's scolding made me reflect on myself, I had failed to do the right thing and instead caused more misery in everyone.
